I'd wear matching sweaters with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
