She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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