So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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