i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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