Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
