mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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