We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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