this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
