and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
