Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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