gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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