I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This toilet bowl is my home.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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