when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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