i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
whose parrot is this?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
