Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
