He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
