I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
why is half of my head shaved?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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