I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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