I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
