i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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