I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
