I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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