Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
