You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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