We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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