My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
