ya dads aren't the best wingmen
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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