My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
