This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
