Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
