found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
