The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
