We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I love having hate sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
