Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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