just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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