I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
