I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
