I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
