I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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