The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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