well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
