I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
