My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
