so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
