saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you made out with another girl for some wings
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
