Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
