working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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