is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
