walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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