Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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