giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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