dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We had to coat check the pizza.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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