the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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